The Stacy of Prurient Interest

I'm going to say it. I'm scared of my girlfriend. I mean, I'M IN LOVE FOR THE FIRST TIME, AND IT FEELS REALLY GREAT!
We have sex before marriage, because that's really, really evil, unlike my (I think) brother, Jesus. He doesn't get it. We were sent among...These, because we are to learn...Something about Loving, and why...

Look, God is Wrong, and I try to tell Stacy about it, but she never listens. The other day, we're going out to ride motor-sickles (We have them. They're dangerous.), and I'm strapping on my helmet, when I look over at her (hot!) self, and say, "Hey, aren't you going to wear a helmet?"

She just laughs and says, "What are you? The Lamb of God, or something?" And then she started laughing really hard. I tried to tell her: hey, no fooling now-He really hates you. If he looks down and sees you riding un-helmeted across His black, black pavement (note: God is Black), He'll almost certainly strike you down, since that's pretty much the only way He gets His jollies.

She just laughed and sped off, peeling out a little. I sat there shaking, looking over my shoulder. He knows...
I felt stupid, but I also know what an evil little crybaby He can be. Stacy? She cares Not. She's just out for 'kicks', and probably doesn't listen to me anyway. But I have a message for her, and for all mankind: He's out to fuck You. Watch it.

Stacy likes to drink lots of booze. I like to join her in this because it's sort of argued against in the Bible- well, inasmuch as anything is clearly stated in that book. But I also want to say: hey now, you know that stuff leads to necrosis of the liver and stomach cancer, right? Because God...She ends up laughing (with) me at that point, and orders another twelve mojitos. I go back to my Midori Sour (what? They're good!), and just keep my peace.

Then she starts screaming/giggling, and talking about how we need to have premarital sex on the lawn, in front of God and Everyone-hey. She actually used that exact phrase.

She looks at me sometimes, and I see fire in those eyes. I mean really, honestly, fire. That's why I'm pretty sure that God actually sent her to me. To screw with my life. Because he loves that.
And now I wonder: what will our Babies look like? Alternately Thrill-Seeking and Accursed By God? Addicted to Cupcakes and Borderline Psychopathic?
Sigh...I don't know...Hey, who's seen the new Fantastic Four movie?