The Puppet of Eternal Shame and Torture

You really do learn a lot about your neighbors when a house burns down. They were really sad and sort of angry, and the daughter of the family was sort of just standing there with tears streaming down her face, wearing this filthy little pink coat.
Then I saw it: it was Him. She was standing there with this puppet doll in her hands, forgotten, for the moment, but still very much present. I trembled with fear and started trying to do my breathing excercises, but no way, Chante! It was Him, and I was scared.
Cza'ckul, is what we all called him back in the old days, but these days I think he's marketed as "Bucketty the Klown", or something. He's a puppet with an agenda, and I'm pretty sure that he burned down that house just to get my attention.
As he leered at me, that snot-nosed little brat kept crying, and I found myself wishing that I wasn't a pacifist these days (I'm Buddhist). If I could at least warn them-but what would I say? "Oh hey; you know that one 'Twilight Zone' episode where there's an evil talking doll? Or all those movies about the same thing? Well, you got one, Mister, and the only thing we can do about it is...Burn down the next house you get, but this time make sure He's in it."

Well, that wouldn't even work. You'd pretty much need a child sacrifice, too. I'm not sure how I'd approach that. "Oh hey? And you know how in all those episodes and movies how it's not like the little girl who owns the doll isn't to blame, exactly, for the toy being evil? Well, when you burn down your next house, you could..."
No. The problem here lies with one person and one person only. Who was it exactly that created evil puppet, pink coat girl and Me? That's right. God.
Oh, WHY DOES HE HATE US SO MUCH? I mean, what kind of omnipotent being engineers both cancer and maleficient toys into a universe that is already poisoned with un-fixable design flaws (if you want my opinion)?

I can quote scripture, but I'm not gonna. But I just know there's a line in there somewhere about how mad he is that he gave his one begotten son...And that's why HE HATES US! It's right there, in...Book Two, or something.

So I was really scared, and the only thing I knew that could take care of that sort of pain was...You got it: Saint Cupcake! There's pretty much nothing that can take away my blues and fear like a designer pastry! The girl was really cute, too. They know how to hire 'em, here in this town.
I got a...Well, it was really great. It was a cupcake, and it was...Well, it was a cupcake. But it was really, really good!

Have a happy Memorializing the Dead in Battle Day! Make sure to eat 'hot-dogs' or something!